Let me introduce you to my little friend!
Mr. Squirrel asked me yesterday after a long absence if I missed him to which I replied yes but my aim is getting better.
Maggie Mae “Commander” Squirrel Patrol
Maggie’s fortune cookies: Never bring a knife to a tank battle.
Quote of the day: Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
Quote: H. L. Mencken
Squirrel patrol is happy to announce that thanks to federal stimulus funding we were able to train and deploy Squirrel Patrol’s new Navy Seal / Duck unit pictured here in their winter camo tactical uniforms.
As we have said before thanks congress. Never let it be said that you guys are not all for the birds.
Commander Maggie Mae “Squirrel Patrol”
Maggie’s fortune cookies: Is there anybody that really cares if Michael Moore supports them or not?
Today’s quote: Nobody criticizes the ‘Mighty Ducks’ trilogy and gets away with it. Nobody!
Quote: Joshua Jackson
Ok so I over hear this “letter carrier” blowing off about how hard his job is in the winter and that they have this creed “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”.
This schmuck wouldn’t make it a day at Squirrel Patrol. I survive the same weather that he does barefooted, and I have four feet.
Lt. Lou Lou “Squirrel Patrol”
Maggie’s fortune cookies: The yellow snow is NOT lemon flavored!
Today’s quote: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
Quote: Bill Watterson
I know I have used this image before, it’s just one that I like.
The best thing that has resulted from this blog is that my family has made friends with another family in another part of the country. As I had expected and time has confirmed these were extraordinary people. I learned a great deal about the Northeast and New England and my wife has found facebook game partners and friends.
Rob is a painter and great artist and I mean that wholeheartedly. TGB, the other half of this family, well I like to call her Martha Stewart “with the eye of an artist”, she grows a beautiful garden and turns that into even more beautiful Food and products. She makes her own remarkable brand of soaps.
To get to the point of this post. I have just found out that Rob is having serious health problems and in his weakened state he is having difficulty fighting the battle. My request is to ask that in one of your spare moments could you please offer a prayer, send good vibes or whatever your belief system offers out for Rob’s health and strength and for TGB’s faith, strength, and health.
Thank you in advance for caring about our fellow man and although there are times that things are not in our hands we do what we can and pray for help.
Yes that’s me, Maggie Mae and this is exactly why you should never drink at the company Christmas party. Can you believe that there are photos on facebook of me dancing with a stuffed squirrel.
Maggie Mae “Commander” Squirrel Patrol
Maggie’s fortune cookies: I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Today’s quote: “I drink to make other people more interesting.”
Quote:Ernest Hemingway
Every once in a while we need a reminder of the evils in the world. Just look at this rodent stealing the bird seed right out of the mouths of those cold and hungry feathered friends of ours.
This is one of many reasons Squirrel Patrol was formed. We ask you in the general population to not try to apprehend these tree rats. They can be dangerous and even vengeful, yes they have been known to caused blackouts to major population centers.
Maggie Mae “Commander” Squirrel Patrol
Maggie’s fortune cookies: If you hire a Mayan to make you a calendar don’t pay him until he’s done.
Today’s quote: When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
Quote:Unknown
We’ve had the ground covered and now we own the skies. Welcome Henry Hawk you will be a much needed and valuable asset to Squirrel Patrol.
Maggie Mae “Commander” Squirrel Patrol
Maggie’s fortune cookies: It’s all fun and games until someone takes a talon thru the head.
Today’s quote: “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
Quote: Yogi Berra
Well hold on there Woody, don’t get your feathers all ruffled up. Those little rodent, Tree Rats also sleep in those trees, you could wait till he is sleeping and shove him out of the nest.
He already looks like he fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on his way down, 
Maggie Mae “Commander, Squirrel Patrol”
Maggie’s fortune cookies: If you are angry enough to growl, take a deep breath and count to ten before you bite.
Today’s quote: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
Quote: Dr. Seuss
Being a covert op in Squirrel Patrol I get used to being in the shadows. It’s a lonely life, the point is to not draw attention to yourself. Do you know how hard it is to not let a squirrel notice you?
I think I’m getting hard and sadistic, I enjoy waterboarding those little rodents too much!
And that’s just for digging in the flower pots.
Maggie’s Fortune cookies: If it stinks too much, roll in it!
Today’s quote: A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
Quote: John Barrymore
Thanks for stopping by, now that you have seen my face I’ll have to hunt you down,
Lou Lou “Head Spook” Squirrel Patrol
Sources inside the federal government have indicated that Maggie and the girls of Squirrel Patrol have secured a cache of radioactive walnuts in eastern Europe. It is believed that the tainted nuts were to be dispersed and buried by tree rats in strategic locations in the US.
Maggie and Squirrel Patrol you will be welcomed back in the good old U. S. of A. with the gratitude of a grateful nation.
Thanks for another mission complete!
Ocho the cat.
Maggie’s fortune cookies: If it smells bad, odds are it tastes bad.
Today’s quote: A poor life is better than a good death. / unknown
Maggie here,
My sisters and I took a nice little break from this long hot summer to play in the sprinklers. It was a lot of fun!
I guess it’s time to get back to work chasing that trash talking squirrel.
Hey Rockford do you kiss your Mom with that mouth?
Today’s Quote:
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
— Albert Einstein
(One of my all time favorite quotes)
Maggie’s fortune cookie:
If you run for 30 minutes a day in a few weeks you will be a long way from home.
Waiting to see these humming birds is about the only thing that gets me through the long cold winters and as silly as it sounds hand feeding this one is one of my biggest thrills. I have always been fascinated by birds and the hummers are my favorite.
Today’s quote:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw
Maggie’s fortune cookie: A bird feeding out of your hand is worth the world to an old man.
Now you can have your blog back Maggie,
Lonnie
In the late fall of 1983 along a little creek in Northwest Ohio the caretaker of the local country church suffered a horrible turn of events that would forever change his life and would become legend amongst the local population.
Earl was his name and he had been the caretaker at the Sugarcreek Baptist Church for over 30 years. His wife had past and left him a widower for the last 7 years and Earl suffered in solitude for most of this time.
Earl felt that the world had turned on him and that everyone and everything was against him. In life when you are so negative it is easy to find enemies real or fictional and Earl’s latest enemy had become squirrels.
As caretaker Earl mowed the church’s graveyard and church grounds and he neatly stored all of his equipment in the shed behind the church. One day Earl opened the shed only to find that squirrels had chewed through fuel lines and caused other damage to his equipment and with his anger and paranoia this was the opening salvo to a small war that the locals have told of for the last 28 years.
The repair of his equipment had put Earl behind schedule and when he had things running again he began to mow the graveyard at a rapid pace to try to regain his schedule.
We all know that if we rush, things can and will go awry as they did for Earl that day.
While mowing Earl struck a walnut that one of the squirrels had failed to get buried and the mower shot the nut out like a bullet and it hit a tombstone and caromed back striking Earl in the eye and also dislodging him from the mower. All Earl could do was lay on the ground and with his one still good eye watch as the mower rolled out of control into Sugar Creek.
This was it for Earl, this was the last straw. Earl returned to the shed and found his beloved Husqvarna chainsaw, the one the church had taken a special collection up for and Earl had cherished. He found a piece of rope that the squirrel had chewed off of the push mower and Earl fashioned a neck strap to his chainsaw.
The caretaker started stomping off toward the old walnut tree that stood near where the mower rolled into the creek. He was swearing profusely and shouting at the top of his lungs at the squirrels. As he reached the tree Earl threw the neck strap over his head and began to climb the tree and every branch he would reach he would saw off and the squirrels would just climb higher in the tree.
As the legend would have you believe just as Earl had reach high into that tree and was about to attempt to top it out the heavens opened up and a bolt of lightening struck that Husqvarna and Earl went up in a ball of fire never to be seen again.
The End.
Hi, I’m Maggie Mae of Squirrel Patrol and if there is a lesson to be learned from the Legend of Lightening Bolt Earl it is that if you are not careful kids, squirrels will drive you crazy and in the end they will kill you.
Squirrel Patrol would like to apologize for our absence from this blog.
Our beloved federal government called Squirrel Patrol into it’s services, we trained and successfully executed a mission in Pakistan. I could tell you more about it but then I would have to kill you!
Well enough with the patting ourselves on the back, pictured above is one of the many dangers we face on local patrol. We call them “the big cats” . Cats that have gone wild, we try to give them free passage because we feel sorry for them not having a home and family for the simplest of comforts. P.S. “And they are mean as hell”.
“Squirrel Team 6” Captain, Maggie Mae
The faded rose tells the story of time like no other. She knows how much time it takes to primp and prepare for the day the bud becomes the bloom.
At that moment in her life she knows with her strong sense of conceit what life can be like if you are coveted and admired. Those around you will treat you special and extend many privileges to you only because of the great beauty you hold.
As with all things time takes it’s toll. The bloom of a once beautiful rose starts to fade. The once admiring crowd now turns a blind eye on the beauty that has now withered.
Does the less than beautiful bloom now feel more pain? After all She has known what it was like to be young, beautiful, and loved.
Should she take pride in the fact that she lived a full life and brought joy to many? She did complete the circle of life and fulfill her purpose.
Time’s toll is inevitable and time is fleeting.
Time: love it, fear it, but most of all respect it. On your last day it is what you will pray the hardest for more of.
The Faded Rose
A Dog's life 